


hold on to me, 'cause im a little unsteady

by legendofgreenbadgers24



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bruce loves a Big Sad Puppy, But Not Before Breaking Him :), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Nat is a Softie, Platonic Cuddling, Poptarts, So I gave him one, Thor Needs a Hug, clints an asshole im sorry guys but yaknow, plot convience, tonys alive because i love myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendofgreenbadgers24/pseuds/legendofgreenbadgers24
Summary: (big thanks to @starksnack for betaing this, I owe her my life)Someone requested that they see thor have a breakdown and the team really realize just how much he lost. so here it is, my best.





	hold on to me, 'cause im a little unsteady

Steve was pushing everyone harder. Making them train ten hours a day, sparring for at least four of those hours a day non-stop. He kept saying that they needed to be ready. He wasn’t ready to give up yet, and he was making sure that the flame of anger and revenge that burned in everyone never went out.

 

They all had good reason to be angry and resentful. Each and everyone of them lost someone. But there was one among them that lost more than anyone could count. 

 

Thor Odinson.

 

Well now just Thor, 

 

Odin was dead.

So was his mother.

And his best friend,

And all his people,

_ His Brother was dead. _

 

All these things weighed on him relentlessly.

 

And surely there were ways he could’ve saved them,

Things he could’ve done differently,

Plans he could’ve put into place that would’ve saved them all

 

He stays awake at night imagining of all the different ways things could’ve went differently, how he could’ve saved them all.

 

And he refuses to close his eyes, for every time his eyelids fall; so does his kingdom.

 

He relives all their deaths,

 

He hears, in all its horrid clarity, Loki’s neck being snapped all over again.

 

He watches the life drain from Odin’s eyes all over again.

 

Listens to his mother’s final words all over again.

 

So he doesn’t close his eyes. He spends his nights awake and aware, wandering the halls with thunderous steps; spends his lonely hours staring at the wall across from his bed, his eyes painting and drawing worlds where they all could’ve lived. 

 

But imagining all those worlds came at a hefty price. He hadn’t slept in weeks, his eyes were sunken and his blinks came slower. The world around him moved at a different pace, the voices of everyone else sounds far and garbled, their faces sway with their words.

 

Thor’s eyes couldn’t stand the sight of their faces shifting and swimming through his vision so when anyone approached him he would duck his head and try to pick up the most important parts from the underwater speech.

 

Then it came time for Thor to spar with Steve. He trudged down to the training room and kicked off his shoes, face still stone cold and emotionless. He mirrored the stance Steve was holding on the mat and counted off in his head to the start of the session.

 

_ 1… _

 

_ 2…. _

 

_ 3….. _

 

Steve aimed a jab at his face that Thor deflected, before continuing to throw a tirade of combos at Thor until he was more deflecting and playing defensive then offensive. An unexpected punch to his stomach sent him stumbling back, doubled over. 

 

He forced himself to straighten back up and meet Steve’s eyes with steely determination, before resuming his stance in front of him; the light blue of his shirt now darkened with sweat. He rolled his neck in an attempt to release some of the ever growing tension and they started all over again. But this time steves punches came faster and harder, finally a kick to his knee sent him face first into the mat.   
  
“Cmon Thor! You’re unfocused and not defending yourself, the real threat isn’t going to let you get a second chance. Now quit being sloppy and fight like you mean it.” Steve chided

  
Thor growled under his breath and resumed his stance for the third time and after counting in he sent a jab straight for Steve’s perfect face. Another to his stomach, a duck to his kick, another punch. It went on like this, them trading blows that got harder and heavier until the captain sent another kick to Thor’s head that threw him to the mat immediately.

 

“Thor! How many times do i have to say it? You’re being sloppy and unfocused, this is how we lost last time. You weren’t focused! This is why we lost everyone. This is how  _ you _ lost everyone. I lost my best friend and I’m fighting like hell to get him back. If you truly wanna see any of them again then you need to fight harder too,” Steve spit.   
  
“What would you know about what I want?” Thor stood from the mat and stalked closer to Steve, fists clenched at his sides. “You don’t get to tell me about my loss. I lost my brother, my sister, my mother and father and yet you tell me I don’t want them back. YOU PATRIOTIC AMERICAN LOVING SON OF A BITCH. IF YOU WERE WITH STARK IN THE FIRST PLACE NONE OF THEM WOULD BE DEAD.”    
  
By the end of Thor’s outburst he was in Steve’s personal space and his eyes were crackling with barely restrained electricity. Currents of the power coursing around his fist and arms.   
  
Steve held Thor’s glare as long as he could before Thor huffed and left the training room. In the places Thor’s feet met the mat and floor, smoke rose from the singed material leaving a putrid burnt smell behind.   
  


 

X X X X

 

Thor stomped to the team room and slumped into a chair to sulk with an air of finality. He sat and simmered, his mind swarming with half-formed thoughts and red, hot anger. 

 

_ What would he know?  _

 

_ He doesn’t get to tell me. _

 

_ He knows not the weight of my loss. _

 

_ I know it’s MY loss _

 

_ I could’ve done more and I don’t need a man with a flag pole up his ass to tell me that. _

 

By the time he made his way out of his thoughts, Clint had made his way into the room and was sitting on the couch across from the sulking god. 

 

“Can you believe this all started with your brothers shitauri army? Man, I still  don’t think the city has recovered fully from the Battle of New York. And now we have a whole new problem. Maybe if Loki never attacked things would’ve been different. Selfish bastard,” Clint spat, his nose wrinkling with disgust.

 

“Excuse me?” Thor finally spoke, his blond brows furrowed in confusion.   
  
“I’m just saying, if your brother wasn’t such a selfish asshole that wanted a fucking pedestal to stand on, a lot more people might be alive.” 

 

“You know nothing of my brother, and you sure as hell don’t have the right to say what he was or wasn’t.” The god of thunder said lowly before rising from his chair so forcibly the piece of furniture fell over.

 

“Yeah, well, all i know is we’re all better off with him dead.” Clint rose from his seat.

 

The lights in the room flickered and thunder boomed outside the compound. 

 

Thor abruptly stomped away and stalked toward the kitchen, passing Bruce on the way to the elevator. Bruce turned to the archer and asked, 

 

“What’d you do to him?” 

 

“I don't really know but i'm sure the guy needs to face the truth soon.” 

 

X X X X

 

Thor attempted to make a sandwich him and his brother ate as children. Smoked gouda  on toasted bread. He remembers sitting on the edge of rooftops after games of tag with Loki, pulling the sandwiches out of his sack and offering one to his brother. No matter how hard they played or how intensely they fought this was their moment of serenity. Thor would dig the sandwiches their mother made them from his rucksack, sit next to his brother on whatever rooftop they chose to stop at and eat together. Even as “teens” (teens being relative) they would skip their classes and go meet up on a roof and Loki would tell stories of how he tricked his tutors and Thor would release deep belly laughs into the sky, sometimes rolling over with amusement.   
  
Thor pulled two slices of bread from the bread bin and shoved them into the toaster, he pressed on the lever to lower them onto the prongs. He grew frustrated when the lever wouldn't catch, pressing it again, harder. And then again, and again, and again, but it still wouldn't catch. He finally slammed it down so hard he broke the toaster and the bread spilled out along with the inner gears of the small machine. 

 

He angrily swiped the toaster bits away from him and let out a short roar as he smashed his fist onto the marble of the counter. Thor forced his hand to flatten on the counter and repeatedly slammed it down as he released a frustrated scream.  His knees buckled beneath him and he sunk to the floor as all the lightbulbs around him exploded and just like that he was alone in the dark. 

 

Bruce rushed into the kitchen and squinted finding the broken god still on his knees, 

 

“Thor? That you buddy?” He rounded the blond to stand in front of him, Thor immediately buried his face in the front of the scientist’s shirt and fisted the back of his collarshirt as the tears finally fell, wetting the soft fabric. “Thor, what's wrong?” 

 

Thor felt Bruce's callused hands brush his cheeks, he violently shook his head into his torso before hiccuping out an answer,

 

“Theyre all gone, all of them. it all my fault its all- its all my fault its my fault theyre all gone. ”

 

As he was finishing Natasha rounded the corner with a flashlight and Tony in tow.

 

“What did you boys do?” Her exasperation melted away upon seeing Thor's distressed state, “oh no, whats up big guy?” She knelt and asked the trembling god.

 

Thor turned and met Natashas eyes in the dark room, his watery eyes shining in  the flashlight’s beam

 

“Red haired valkyrie.” He whispered into the darkness before detaching from Bruce to fling himself onto Natasha. She initially stumbled under the hefty weight of a god but adjusted to wrap her arms around broad shoulders and rub long strokes down his quivering spine as he continued to cry. 

 

“I’m so sorry for breaking the lights and wetting your shirts and not killing Thanos when I had the chance and letting them all die and letting Loki die and- and- and I’m just so  _ sorry, _ I gained and lost my brother all in the same day.”  Thor mumbled into the spy’s royal purple shirt.

 

Tony crossed the space and planted a single kiss to the crown of Thor’s head. “Bruce and I are gonna fix the lights and get us all some Poptarts. It’s gonna be okay Thor, it’s all gonna be okay.” 

 

X X X X

 

Tony and Bruce worked as quickly as possible to repair the lights in the compound while Natasha stayed in the kitchen with Thor. She eventually maneuvered him to lay with his head in her lap, he curled his legs around her back and buried his face in the front of her shirt; his arm tucked around her torso. The upset god had calmed significantly thanks to Natasha’s nimble fingers working through his hair, but ever so often he would emit a small sniffle or a stray tear would find its way onto Natasha’s shirt. 

 

Bruce put the fluffiest blanket he could find into the dryer before queueing up a cartoon marathon in the TV room. All while Tony sent for an abundance of Poptarts, and an accompanying list of flavours,

Strawberry Milkshake for Natasha, Cookies & Creme for Bruce, Strawberry Frosted for Thor, and Smores for Tony.

 

After everything was  ready they gathered Natasha and Thor from the floor and resituated on the couch, wrapping Thor in the warm blanket and sitting him in the middle of all of them. Halfway into the marathon Thor moved to lay across the three of them, his head again resting on Natashas lap, his legs on Tony, and his midriff lounging on Bruce

The redhead started to again thread her fingers through Thor’s blond locks and it wasn’t long before the god drifted off into a well-deserved and much-needed rest. 

 

Natasha was the first to break the odd silence of the room, “Tony? When you told him earlier that everything was gonna be okay, how sure are you of that?”

 

After Tony remained silent a beat too long Bruce spoke in his place. “For him? Were gonna  **_make_ ** things okay. We have to.” 

 

And with Bruce's definitive tone they all wordlessly resolved to make things better for the god who always made things good for them. 

**Author's Note:**

> alright go yell at me on tumblr @thesecondstark


End file.
